'Exegesis' by Philip K. Dick (1974-1982)

A selection from Philip K. Dick's Exegesis, 1974-1982.

"I am a fictionalizing philosopher, not a novelist; my novel and story-writing ability is employed as a means to formulate my perception. The core of my writing is not art but truth. Thus what I tell is the truth, yet I can do nothing to alleviate it, either by deed or explanation. Yet this seems somehow to help a certain kind of sensitive troubled person, for whom I speak. I think I understand the common ingredient in those whom my writing helps: they cannot or will not blunt their own intimations about the irrational, mysterious nature of reality, and, for them, my corpus of writing is one long ratiocination regarding this inexplicable reality, an investigation and presentation, analysis and response and personal history. My audience will always be limited to those people." Philip K. Dick, Unsourced.

"The creation of the Exegesis was an act of human survival in the face of a life-altering crisis... [...] Its pages represent Dick's passionate commitment to explicating the glimpse with which he had been awarded or cursed-- not for the sake of his own psyche, nor for the cause of the salvation of humankind, but precisely because those two concerns seemed to him to be one and the same." Editors Introduction to Exegesis

Philip K. Dick started writing Exegesis in 1974, after a mystical religious experience, and worked on it night after night right up until his death in 1982.  It is made up of about 8,000 pages of mostly handwritten and typed paper sheets which were found in his apartment after his death and stored in manila folders in the garage where they remained largely unpublished (apart from a few excerpts) until a 1,000 page selection was printed in 2011 with the title The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick. While working on his Exegesis Dick wrote eight novels.

 The Exegesis itself reads like Dicks last and greatest work of science fiction.

Science fiction, no doubt owing to its uniquely modern form and popular appeal, especially among youth, largely escapes the purview of traditional literary criticism and, at least in Dicks life time, was not ordinarily seen as 'high art'. When the Polish sci-fi writer Stanislaw Lem, a contemporary of Dicks, wrote a critical essay on American sci-fi literature, he called it Philip K. Dick: A Visionary among Charlatans.

Editors note: as neither In Pursuit of Valis:
Selections from the Exegesis and The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick are complete, we will draw upon both texts in our selection here. Sections from the much more truncated In Pursuit of Valis will be indicated by IPV.

[work in progress]

In regards to some of the theoretical subjects all of us discussed the day you and your friends were here to visit, I recall in particular my statement to you... that "the universe is moving backward," a rather odd statement on the face of it I admit. What I meant by that is something which at the time I could not really express, having had an experience.... but not having the terms. Now, by having read further, I have some sort of terms, and would like to describe some of my personal experiences using, in a pragmatic way, the concept of tachyons, which are supposed to be particles of cosmic origin (I am quoting Arthur Koestler) which fly faster than light and consequently in a reversed time direction. "They would thus," Koestler says, "carry information from the future into our present, as light and X rays from distant galaxies carry information from the remote past of the universe into our now and here. In the light of these developments, we can no longer exclude on a priori grounds the theoretical possibility of precognitive phenomena." And so forth (Harper's, July 1974).

I had a keen intuition that information of some kind was arriving at us all, in fact bombarding us, from sidereal space.

Without the tachyon theory I would lack any kind of scientific formulation, and would have to declare that "God has shown me the sacred tablets in which the future is written" and so forth, as did our forefathers, back on the deserts of Israel under the sky as they tended their sleeping flocks. Koestler also points out that according to modern theory the universe is moving from chaos to form; therefore tachyon bombardment would contain information which expressed a greater degree of Gestalt than similar information about the present; it would, thus at this time continuum, seem more living, more animated by a conscious spirit, to us giving rise to the concept of GOd. This would definitely give rise to the idea of purpose, in particular purpose lying in the future. Thus we now have a scientific method of considering the notion of teleology.... .

Much of this... information arriving in dreams has had a teaching, shaping and directing quality; it tends to inform and guide me, and made me aware of what I should do. It literally educates me, and I'm sure each small creature, each bug and plant and animal and fish, has the same sense of it.

...the future is more coherent than the present, more animate and purposeful, and in a real sense, wiser. It knows more, and some of this knowledge gets transmitted back to us by what seems to be a purely natural phenomenon. We are being talked to, by a very informed Entity: that of all creation as it lies ahead of us in time.

In terms of Ubik (not the novel but the force described in my novel) perhaps I was already becoming aware of this total coherence which the universe is moving toward and which bombards us backwards... with information about itself, thus giving us a certain awareness of itself.

I was trying in a dim and unconscious way to express a series of experiences I had had most of my life of a directing, shaping and assisting-- and informing-- force, much wiser than us which we in no way could perceive directly;... in Kant's terms, it is... a Thing-in-Itself.
Thus I would express the purpose of the novel-- my purpose, anyhow-- to be a fictional statement containing a presentation of this directing presence which I arbitrarily chose the name "Ubik" for. That Ubik (or more accurately the future total Gestalt of purpose and Meaning) may well have written the book through me is possible, but only in the sense that all creatures from grasshoppers on up... are "written through," by what we call instinct, rather than "writing" their lives. However, I do think one could say this; rather than having it read: Ubik, by Philip K. Dick, one could put it this way:

Philip K. Dick

I don't feel I was "picked"... , as its instrument, etc.,. any more than when you are watching a TV program the transmitter has picked you. It is broadcast; it just radiates out in all directions and some people tune in... . All I did was to transduce, as all creatures do. I just gave what I received a local habitation and a name, as Shakespeare put it.

...strange and eerie feeling that my novels are gradually coming true. At first I laughed about this, as if it was only a sort of small matter; but over the years... it seems to me that by subtle but real degrees the world has come to resemble a PKD novel; or, put another way, subjectively I sense my actual world as resembling the kind of typical universe which I used to merely create as fiction, and which I left, often happily, when I was done writing.
Other people have mentioned this, too, the feeling that more and more they are living in a PKD novel. And several freaks have even accused me of bringing on the modern world by my novels.
Well, a case could be made here for my above tachyon theory, I guess... . There is no doubt that quite frankly I do not in any real sense write my novels; they do come from some non-I part of me. If tachyon bombardment was inspiring my novels, then it would stand to reason that the world-- it is really all the same world which my books depict, as has been pointed out in critical essays many times-- it would stand to reason that, as the years pass, my books would, so to speak, come true. They are about the future in two ways: they describe it fictionally, like S-F tends to do, and, they being inspired by tachyon information about the actual future (or possible several alternate futures) depict on-coming reality. [...] I do not wish to be in one of my own novels, by the way. So this isn't wish-fulfillment. Anyhow, I'm not the only person who's noticed that the world seems to be getting like my novels... .

I am not the true and actual source of my own fiction, and I've always wondered what the source was. John Denver... says he doesn't compose his many songs; "They're out there in the air somewhere," he says, "and I just fish them in."

...the gap between my vision and the actual world has gotten smaller and smaller over the years... .

"California Dreaming is becoming a reality," is a line from a Mamas and Papas song of a few years ago, but what a dreadful surreal reality it is: foglike and dangerous, with the subtle and terrible manifestations of evil rising up like rocks in a gloom.

The landscape is deformed out of recognition by the Lie. Its gloom is everywhere, and we encounter nothing we recognize... .

As soon as one lies one becomes separated from reality.

...no one notices that virtually everything we believed in is dead. This is because the people who would have pointed this out are dead.

But nevertheless something shines in the dark ahead that is alive and makes no sound. We saw it once before, but that was a long time ago, or maybe our first ancestors did. Or we did as small children. It spoke to us and directed and educated us then; now perhaps it does so again. It sought us out, in the climax of peril. There was no way we could find it; we had to wait for it to come to us.
Its sense of timing is perfect. But most important it knows everything.

I seem to be living in my own novels more and more. I can't figure out why. Am I loosing touch with reality? Or is reality actually sliding toward a Phil Dickian type of atmosphere? And if the latter, then for god's sake why? Am I responsible? How could I be responsible? Isn't that solipsism?

Or like John Denver gets his songs: I get them from the air. Like his songs, they-- my books-- are already there. Whatever that means.

By my own logic in the novel I must conclude that my or perhaps even our collective environment is only a pseudo-environment. In my novel [Ubik] what broke through was the presence of a man who had died. He speaks to them through several intermediary systems and hence must still be alive; it is they, evidently, who are dead. What has been happening to me for over three months is that a man I knew [Jim Pike] who died has been breaking through in ways so similar to that of Runciter in Ubik that I am beginning to conclude that I and everyone else is either dead and he is alive, or-- well, as in the novel, I can't figure it out. 

My unconscious is fixated in the Roman period, and that strikes me as strange. [...] It is a tutor to me as Aristotle was to Alexander... .

This is material emanating from a wise viewpoint which I never possessed.

...one odd dream that I had, in which I picked up most distant, the smallest, weakest signal-- from a star, star-information, sidereal.... what I heard seemed to resemble, as an analog, an AI System, not a computer, and female in tone.

The past, then. Or the future. Another star. An alternate world. "The other side." They're all "the other side" in some way.

So my "unconscious," which I've claimed this tutor to be, has available to it "my entire memory," except everything pertaining to events and concepts that arose after 100 A.D.

I remember that when this first hit me, in the first couple of weeks, I was abolustely convinced that I was living in Rome, sometime after Christ appeared but before Christianity became legal. Back in the furtive Fish Sign days. Secret baptism and that stuff. I was sure of it. Rome, evil Rome and Caesar's minions, were everywhere around me. [...] I was a Christian but I had to hide it. Or they'd get me. [...] I was more excited than afraid, sure in my faith, certain of my Savior. [...] I think I read all this in the novel The Robe 11 years ago. Jezz, I've fallen into someone else's novel!
You know, I could if I wanted to make the most dramatic but speculative case, for fictional purposes I guess, reason that I was pulled back through time, back and back, to where It ALl Went Wrong, which would be where around 100 A.D. [...] "That was a wrong turn," the Vast Acting Living Intelligence System that creates decided. "When those people decided on Christianity. I'll throw away 2,000 years, go back... turn to some other religion instead, and have that become dominant. Let's see... ." A New Start. Second Time Around. Why not? Thus, my sense that my help was coming from an alternate universe.
I don't know why I'm speculating along like this, though, because in point of fact I've decided, by a process of deduction, who my tutor is. Asklepios, or one of his sons. A Greek physician, whose step-mother was the Cumaean sibyl, his father Apollo, at whose shrines "...the sick were given wholesome advice in their dreams," this cult yielding only reluctantly to Christianity. Also Asklepios was according to legend, slain y the Kyklopes, a cyclops.

A latent form is emerging in me, buried... when... Asklepios was killed by the Kyklopes, so that his son's wisdom and skills, derived from Apollo, would continue on despite Asklepios' sudden death-- remaining latent within the morphology of the Indo-European descendents of Asklepios, perhaps genetically handed down through his sons. (He had two.) Now, when needed, this crypte morphosis is emerging, again active; its external stimulating-triggering source being some aspect of the dreadful civic decline of our society, its falling into ruins. "Within the degenerate molecules, the trash of today, he (PKD) resurrects a power buried for eons." (S. Lem, about Ubik.) Other gods of the past have at other times returned to life: Wotan in Germany, during the Nazis.

I think I've solved what's been in my head at night.
I'm seeing all the books and writing tablets, all the written material night after night: the Qumran Scrolls [editors note: 'Dead Sea Scrolls'].

The Qumran community were Essenes. Here, before the scrolls were found, is Will Burant's description of the Essenes:

They looked for the coming of a Messiah who would establish a communistic egalitarian Kingdom of Heaven on earth;... they were ardent pacifists and refused to make implements of war.

The Romans wiped them out.
Well, so the contents of the Qumran Scrolls would contain all the elements I've been entertaining in my mind... .

Nobody knew the source of these teachings until the Qumran Scrolls were recently found; no wonder Jim Pike and other theologians went crazy with excitement-- saw Christianity in an entirely new light.

Query: If the Essenes were successful prophets, not just trying and failing, did they anticipate their being wiped out, and anticipate leaving their entire doctrines and views and information as sort of time-bombs which would remain hidden until today? Is it possible? Very possible, I think. They hid all their stuff to be found later-- much later. Once more to be reintroduced into the world, as it was-- their original effect on our world-- fading out, finally. To revive it.

The Other is not any one thing found in any particular place. It is a quality of (or rather visible in) all things... . It shines through them at us. We see it and it sees back, as in a dialog.

We're talking here about a two hemisphere perception of reality, and then an information transfer from one hemisphere to the other so that cognition... is brain total.

...suddenly one would experience all reality through the vision of the Other, as if seeing out through its eyes. One would share and inhabit its world, possess its perspective; at the same time the Other would possess what one had as a worldview. [...] A superimposition, greater than either had possessed... . This sudden, double, superimposed, simultaneous view would be experienced as gaining an additional depth: as if adding one more spatial dimension. Much as a flatlander acquiring three-dimensional space. Time, too, would be experienced differently; one could see ahead, in all temporal directions. Two separate "mono" views when blended become a "stereo" view.

Plato once expressed an idea, probably metaphoric, that each of us is really only one half of a four legged four armed organism; somehow long ago we got split apart and we're always searching for our missing other half [editors note: see Aristophanes speech in Plato's Symposium]. This usually is construed as a man searching for his female mate; however, suppose the Great Builder has fashioned us humans here, each of us, as one half of a total organism the other half of which is not a human being but something totally different-- maybe with no physical body at all, but a sort of energy plasma... . This might indicate that our total life on earth is only the first part, the part before each of us and his Other are joined. [...] Meanwhile, off somewhere in another star system the Great Builder has fashioned the other parts of us, and soon we will be stimulated by Him to take off into space and head via rocket ship for that star, not knowing what lies ahead but prompted by a vast and authentic instinct that we should do it. Imagine our surprise-- and then delight-- when we get there and are suddenly joined, in the twinkling of an eye, with our other half-- the Other.
On their own planet, the race of Others might have had even less total vision of their purpose in the universe than we have; however, it is possible that their guesses and intimations might be ahead of our own. In this case they might be waiting for us to arrive, or even made certain attempts to contact us-- with or without success. At the ultimate, they might even have managed in small preliminary ways to reach across space to us somehow, to coax us subtly into moving toward them.

For all we know, the spirit is up there perpetually, awaiting only the crucial change below to come down and enter.

Like Plotinus' concept of concentric rings of emanation, we encounter our Others in gradually increasing intensity and clarity; they become clearer to us continually.

The spirit when he arrived here looked around, saw Richard Nixon and those creatures, and was so wrath-filled that he never stopped writing letters to Washington until Nixon was out. [...] You wouldn't believe his animosity toward the tyrannies both here and in the USSR; he saw them as twin horns of the same evil entity-- one vast worldwide state whose basic nature was clear to him as being one of slavery, a continuation of Rome itself. ANd he was a foe to that, above all; he saw Caesar once more, and himself pitted against that.

...presented in dream after dream... the benign and reassuring quality of this Other which I had encountered deep within me-- an Other which had been slumbering... until the proper signal released it to assume parity with me.
Now we function smoothly in synchronization, but at first I had to yield to it... .

That I am in direct mind-to-mind touch with extraterrestrial intelligence systems has been obvious to me for some time, but what this means is not in any way obvious.

It's not all that meaningful to talk about being in contact with extraterrestrial intelligence; these are new words to describe ancient experiences. Virgil in Book Six says:

...for immanent Mind, flowing through all its parts
...Makes the universe work.

Obviously "Immanent Mind" could be called "extraterrestrial intelligence." So there is nothing new in what I've experienced, just new terms. Basically this is a religious experience, but also it is more because we are no longer a religious world; I am a secular person in a secular society and must understand my experiences in this context. Otherwise even if I understand them I can't communicate them.

I believe that after an absence of between 2,000 and 2,600 years the immortals are now beginning to return, with Justice first.

That which possessed [early Christianity] in the First Century A.D. possessed me back in March... .

...an ancient promise made to us, made thousands of years ago, is now being kept. [...] He or they would come back eventually, and they fucking have... . I know it. [...] That which is rightfully ours, which was taken away, will be returned. They will see to that. As Paul called it, the "Time of Restoration of All Things"... .
The Christians, with their exclusivistic, bigoted, narrow intolerance, believe salvation and intervention and restoration is only for them; they're wrong; this is for our planet and all its people.

Harlan says:

Kurt Weill and Maxwell Anderson wrote, "Maybe God's gone away, forgetting His promise He made that day: and we're lost out here in the stars." And maybe He/She's just waiting for the right signal to come back, whaddaya think?

Right on, Harlan.

In micro terms I experienced the entire trip which our world and all of us will experience... .

...what happened to me in March is exactly that "in the twinkling of an eye" rebirth or transformation, much like an abrupt chemical process... as the alchemists so realized.

The universal mind dispatches a Mediator-- which is what Christ is called, correctly-- to trigger it off... . Thereby it, the universal mind, can hold the process until it wishes it to take place, which is why the Protestant Reformers stressed the power of God's grace as being the sole power which could redeem us rather than good works. [...] These are old-fashioned terms for a very mysterious process and event; they did the best they could in explaining it. "Well, see, we're all in a state of sin" (which is jargon for fucked up, deranged, and half blind), "and God's grace redeems us unexpectedly. But we have to have faith, which is to say total trust, in the power of that grace." I'm not sure you have to have that trust.

Psychologically, this mental transformation is the radical combining of opposites. [...] Each attempt I make to understand and explain and express my experience and the process following has to come at last to that: it is what I already thought and what I now think. [...] It is old (circa 100 A.D.) and points toward the future. [...] ...it is beings from another star system and it is precisely the same traditional experience of salvation described in the Bible.

This is what our modern world has lost, this unity in all levels; now we've got compartmentalization instead.

So to sum up, there is a small bit of the macrocosm inside us, inside the microcosm; and this small bit equals the whole universal mind.

Mumford says:

I think this must be very much like what happened during the transition from the Roman civilization, which was highly organized and bent on the same ends as our civilization, power, productivity, prestige, to the Christian era. The Christians formed in little bands. They began to withdraw from society and accepted the poverty which only slaves then were forced to accept. They built up a spiritual foundation for their life which gave them the internal energy firmly to take over the Roman Empire.

...when this first hit me in March I looked around and saw Rome! Rome everywhere! Power and force, stone walls, iron bars-- just what Mumford expresses above. [...] I pierced the veil, so to speak, and saw my society exactly as it is... which is, as Mumford expresses, like Rome was. [...] In Mumford's sense, "Rome" is a paradigm.

There is no doubt in my mind now that my "vision" of my society was accurate in the sense that Mumford means it; I hadn't gone back in time, but in a sense Rome had come forward, by insidious and sly degrees, under new names, hidden by the flak talk and phony obscurations, at last into our world again. Look! The Christians conquered Rome, but only for a time; Rome swallowed up its conquerors, like China does. At last Rome began by stealthy degrees to surface once more, to manifest itself. Therefore it is not surprising that that same Holy Spirit which rose against it then, in 100 or so A.D., has returned to arouse us as before, as it roused our ancestors... .

The right hemisphere is the seat of the unconscious.
But every layer in it, and all its contents, were at one time part of consciousness, though not of any living men.
These are all the prior left-hemisphere consciousnesses, down through the ages; when they perished, they reappared in this dormant, sleeping form, not dead, not gone, but not awake: just slumbering, with all their memories and thoughts and experiences and ideas now in dream form.
This is where the dead went. This is where the dead are.
Also, this is the leavening in the bread which Christ spoke of. And the tiny mustard seed, growing and growing.
Within the right hemisphere (we all share just one among us, like a communal meal-- e.g., the Last Supper) this life is rising once more toward the consciousness it lost.
But when it achieves it again, it will be a transformed life, not the perishable one it had.
Being in all of us, and alive and conscious again (it is alive again, but not conscious; it has forgotten), it can't die. It will not be bound by time and space. It can return to the past, go wherever men are or ever have been or ever will be.
The experience of anamnesis is the moment when this sleeping mind which once was conscious, remembers its own existence. Who it is remembering is itself; what it is remembering is that it lived and lives now, and has a job to do. Also, it is not a separate entity as the left hemisphere is. Together, they form two appositional minds, linked through it with all the others on Earth and perhaps beyond.
It did not die; it fell asleep, for two thousand years, acquiring with the death of each new person a new onion-skin like layer of itself; by these slow accretions it grew-- toward completeness and reawakening, and remembering.
The moment at which it remembers... is the moment at which the Kingship of God, the Perfect Kingdom, floods back into being: back into awareness of istelf, that it is Here; and it is here Now.
It contains within it thousands of years of slumbering world; the "connective unconscious" is becoming conscious, as was foretold by Jesus and Paul and John. It is (again) aware; (again) it thinks. It is Immanent Mind within us and around us, its sensory eyes open, with its identity (via memory restoration) intact. This was the goal of it all: the end journey of thousands of years and millions of men.
For those who lived and died, it wasn't in vain. They slumbered on, adding to one another in millions of laminations of transparencies.
For those, like me, who're alive, we are suddenly not alone, are suddenly given enormous support; He is with us again, our Savior.
...the third point in human evolution has now been reached. This moment equals, in importance, the leap from inanimate [matter] to animate [life]; this is true man, man realized at last, this third stage which began 3 million or 4 million years ago-- it is not the starting of the stage now, but the perfecting and completing of it. The millions of parts of this entity have wandered about the Earth during a spatial and temporal period of enormity and diversity; but it is all being collected and revived now-- collected during these epochs, revived now, by its merely pushing beyond the threshold: it reached saturation point, so to speak, and awoke.
It possesses immortality (through rebirth). It knows everything (through being gestalted from an almost infinite number of bits throughout space and time). Knowing it can't err, knowing it can't die, having a direct relationship with the Logos... or the Plan, it can make decisions partaking of Haggia Sophia: the wisdom of God.
"Haggia Sophia is about to be reborn. She was not acceptable in the past." This sentence refers to all of the above, and expresses it. We will have in our midst a wise entity, a sort of organic computer which will surpass its parts and the sum thereof.

A deliberate structure/artifact which they jointly maintain against the threat of reality, against what, if they somehow relaxed, they would find they could allow to seep in... as it later does. [...] (At night, in sleep, this mental mechanism dims, and other elements slide in, but are of course ruled out the next day on awakening, as being mere phantasms.)

Basically... when I had both brain hemispheres functioning in tandem, in a parity relationship, each involved both in perception and cognition, I saw around me a different universe.

...written material, of any and all sorts: any sign, any ad, any piece of paper; the resemblance to Runciter's communicating with the people via the trash of the gutter [in Ubik], the debris such as match folders, the labels of spray cans, etc.-- this is exactly what I actually saw myself as functioning in the highest fashion to guide and instruct us... . It is evident why eventually I would suppose the presence of the Logos.
Also, I saw a continual use of the joining of two verbal items; they would be kept separate-- and hence not causing disinhibiting to occur-- until the proper moment. I saw various written items rotate, so to speak, very slowly, inexorably, like a solenoid clock as it ticks along. Then two separate verbal items... would by inexorable degrees come together and mesh into an entity. At once, they would signal, and cause neural firing of an inhibited engrammed system in the person. [...] That all this would form an enormous and complex world-clock, synchronized with itself, is evident. [...] I did not reason this out; I saw this. I also saw the Logos as it reached from our future into our present-- which is the only world we have, our present-- to make use of the arrangement of things.

His Creator knows from the start everything which that person will encounter, and his Creator has by this engramming and signaling system made it possible to determine and control in advance how the person will go, along his course; it is not random; it is not accidental; it never lacks purpose... .

...the only portion of the universe which is truly real is living creatures, such as ourselves. The non-living parts are merely structure, very much like the backdrop and artificial scenery in a formal play. [...] ...in essence nothing more than elaborate but somewhat barren struts and support beams, literally so; they support the intricate signaling devices which flash messages-- i.e., commands and assistance-- to us continually, and also of course they afford biologically essential life support. This is indeed a kind of ship we are within, but in shape more like a gigantic hollow cube, all sides of which surround us and fire information and instructions in rapid, elaborate sequence... .
What I could not see-- and remember I didn't reason all this out; I saw it noetically-- was the final goal or purpose of all this... . I saw a process... . We are being processed along, and as we go we are changed and informed...-- it is all, as Bergson saw, a becoming. [...] ...we seem to be carrying out, at the bidding of these engrammings, complex tasks, which is why people often get a sense of God's Divine Plan of which they are a part.

...this entire cosmology which I've presented to you in these pages bears an organic relationship to my entire body of writing, to my basic theme of What is reality? I think I have at last transliminated-- i.e., coughed up into consciousness-- my subcontinent which has given rise to all my work and to all my theories and thinking.

That I never saw that all this had to apply to our world is a measure of the failure of the artist to discover the relationship between his art (or in my case the worlds within my art, the topic of my art) and life, his life, all our lives, our world.

In writing Tears I depicted simultaneously (1) the space-time continuum of Rome c. 100 A.D. and (2) future America, which turned out to be almost America at this time (1970/74). What this depicts then is a moving forward of Rome, not a regression on my part; it I were standing still, the same process would be observed... . It is the iron beneath the pretty plastic. This is true revelation. The whole novel, not just the dream, is revelation, about our world, where and when we are (our true ontological underlying space-time continuum; its nature).
Piercing the veil, seeing into the heart of our (present) world, I saw Urbs-Roma; it underlay/lies;... what our world actually is once all the layers of delusion are stripped away.

When we finally achieve bilateral parity in brain functioning, we will be better able to view our individual selves as microstations within an enormous network of similar stations which probably are so far-ranging in time and space that the idea of making contact with ETI's is like desiring to find air here on Earth.


I think one day perhaps soon someone certainly, and not by accident, will display to us our collective disinhibiting sign, and anamnesis will occur for us all.

It almost seems as if the consciousness of a Racial Planetary Being were surrounding civilization, compressing it and turning it into a miniaturized artifact of the past.

The entire pattern of our radio signals, and their information, have formed a living, or anyhow sentient entity which is why the idea of the noosphere came into being. Effect on us is not only informational but vitalistic and healing;... to "rouse us from half-life" which is to say, move us along evolutionary lines toward completion of our now only half-finished entelechies (v. Teilhard's idea of Christ as paradigm of mankind... ). This is brought to completion by the vitality and information imparted... by the entity which lies within the ionosphere. This is perhaps not a life form, and not from another planet, but it is an intelligence.

The U.S. Indians were right: when we die our souls-- i.e., our brain-print patterns-- go to join the noosophere growing in the sky... ; the dome over our heads. Our ancestors are there now. [...] But it's a single mind not a bunch of individual ghosts.

I got so loaded last night you wouldn't believe it. [...] In chemo veritas, though... .

Now,... obviously I used this event and the time in it conscientiously. During it I realized that in truth I saw the world in terms of pleasure denied me (sex and women) and over-reacted in terms of moral indignation, a moral tone to life ("overthrow the tyranny"). I saw, too, that esthetic awareness of music and art was my outlet my saving outlet; I really didn't see the world as a moralist did, but as an artist: I was capable of-- and truly did-- see aesthetically all the time; my real interest in women was as beautiful creatures the way cats are beautiful and Beethoven's music is.
I understood how we come to see time wrongly, or rather, we see it in its less real, secondary aspect or axis.
I had reckoned that the Holy Spirit seemed to have returned to our world about the time of Martin Luther, and Erasmus was a contemporary of his. [...] Erasmus wrote "In Praise of Folly" which is about the fool who is Christ.

We generate the horizontal time to keep order in what we encounter. But ah! The utility has made it progressively more and more difficult for us to experience the infinitude of transparent laminations which we bind together with the energy we call time... .

But the time-axis along which forms (entelechies) grow to completion-- that is orthogonal, and it is real.

You can... see each sense object or form where it stands placed, in the static structure of the universe... . But to me what is more exciting is to peel away time, the accretions; and this is orthogonal time. But deautomatization in Deikman's sense [ed. note: in Deautomatization and the Mystical Experience] must take place first. 
In seeing the pattern of sense objects, where they're located, you see structure. IN peeling away the layers you see Being. [...] "What is underneath" or "what is within or below" are the previous steps in sequence (remember... sequence is all important: it is pattern). This is the growth up to now, to the stage where it is vis-a-vis you. If you are to see what comes next you must move along the true (orthogonal) time axis in harmony with it: into the future, as all forms grow... . [...] I believe that Christ is the completed form toward which all men move, this approximation, and it's getting closer and closer... .

The reality of orthogonal time, cyclic time, would make it possible for the Golden Age (the time before the fall) to return, restoring all which has been lost. There is a direct link between the hope of that return and the idea of orthogonal time; also, there is a similar link bewtween the possibility of that hope being fulfilled and the fact that orthogonal time exists which it indeed does.

Would it be unreasonable to speak of my first orthogonal vision, that of Urbs Roma, as the Age of Iron? And under that I found-- what next? Silver? That would be my first glimpse of the Hellenistic world which came before (linear time) or beneath (orthogonal), and then, at last, the absolute simplicity of what must be the Golden Age: the forests, which Euripides spoke of in the Bacchae ("Will they ever come to me ever again..."). [...] Roma certainly was iron; no doubt. And-- the fish sign which I saw: it was made of gold.

If our age is an extension of Urbs Roma (Tears being a paradigm, a map of a territory which is Roma, Washington, Moscow, Berlin: one map for all) then that view of Roma was a rollback, and insight into the heart-- not of an age prior to ours-- but to ours itself.

I did not remember my previous state (anamnesis): I was restored to that state; which means someone restored me. That is God and God's grace. He brought it back to me or me back to it... . The Christian (Eucharist) anamnesis deals specifically with "Do this in recollection of me," i.e., Jesus Christ. The event is anamnesis; the agency which causes it is adventitious and is the Savior. [...] ...it was impressed on me, this anticipation of the dark-haired stranger girl at the door; I used to expect the Paraclete coming to the door at any time, to render aid. [...] Her appearance at the door had that effect only as mere triggering release and because of manifold almost infinite preparatory steps. This was a life time process, not a single event. As an infant I was given dreams and experiences... without which her appearance and that fish necklace would have done nothing... .

We are back to the concept of entelechy, of growth. All these are the unfoldings of living organisms which themselves are portions of an over-all organism.

The truth is that GOd inhabits without limit... . Special knowledge of how to get in touch with him is that same knowledge which carries the bee home to its hive each night; who sells that knowledge to the bee? ...truth cannot really be suppressed, at least not forever... .

The deeper and deeper penetration into ontological realms, experienced as dokos fading to reveal Urbs Roma-- those were into a region prior in lineal time to Jesus, to Christianity, but not to Greek mystery religions as such. But finally I saw the building Hagia Sophia, the palm trees,... the Levant. [...] What linked them? [...] Each... was seen in holy terms, viewed as if sanctified, viewed through its religion. It was as if God ranged through an axis neither of time nor space as we know it but built out of both. Orthogonal space, too? A space-time axis of Being in which resemblances linked each frame rather than being together in either time or in space... . It was an axis of holy solemnity, maybe; that worship and relatedness to God is the final axis, in which one when entering that realm moves from religion to religion as if they are all one. It is as if the state of grace generates, or anyhow generates the perception of and the participation in, the Region of the Sacred. [...] When dokos, the veil, lifts away from our external world we see the Absolute... . Worlds are made and unmade. The Absolute is absolutely plastic and manifold... as He forms and reforms it; He expresses himself directly through it and in it.
The re-emergence of cyclic time would be the method of restoration.

...the Christian "do this in anamnesis of me-- " Do this and recollect; once more we are back there again at the timeless and eternal moment  c. 46 A.D. We are really there now. Real time, genuine time, ceased after He left... . Only layer after layer of meaningless dust have accrued, which is to say, the substance, the essence, has not changed since Christ left our world. Not a day will have passed between when He left and when He returns.

...time or lineal time was overcome, and all the accumulations of the centuries, the flux, the accidents, the phenomenal world, all faded out and it, that place and those events, faded into sight and I was totally caught up into them, both inside me and outside me... . And it was not because I wished it; the first intimations were of the City of Cruel Iron, and I felt the fear natural to a society based on force and on a slave population-- it was harsh and cruel beyond anything I've ever seen. No Arcady, that. [...] Fruit equals phenomenal world; seed equals the unchanging reality of the last days He was here. Is our changing world actually a sort of electron revolving in totally repetitious cycles around a nucleus, and that nucleus is the Crucifixion and the Resurrection? The mass of a body creates a warpage in space, so that a straight line is curved; thus planets paths are warped into near circles (ellipses) around and around; that if they could think would imagine (as Spinoza would say) that they are traveling always in straight lines-- but we can see otherwise; an invisible force keeps that straight line-- makes that straight line into an endless repeating cycle. Ah! Our linear time is exactly an analogy of the straight line of a small body near a dense star; we, as part of Earth, moving through time as the axis, do not realize that our time is being warped perpetually, back onto itself in a great circle, a vast cycle which will one day to our surprise, like an early sailor who sailed west across our oceans and eventually, incredibly, found himself back where he began-- circumnavigated our round world which he did not understand was round... it looked and felt flat; the universe looks and feels as if it extends analogously. [...] ...Suddenly there it will be: ahead of us in time will be something which we know from our historic record we left behind us in time.

If we think of an entelechy or a bunch of them, there would be change, growth, until completion; then-- frozen, forever. These terms just don't stand for anything; they're just words. What I saw was not the static or unchanging versus change, but an incredibly live and potent total organism linked together everywhere, with nothing excluded from it, controlling through an intricate system everything which was, is and will be simultaneously, as Avicenna said.

Each living thing feels impelled to move (to develop or change or grow) but can't locate the source of that urge. From what I saw and understood from 3-74 on, there is a total Plan (the Logos) which superimposes as a vast static-- complete-- blueprint pattern over a space-time continuum universe, the one we experience empirically: the one our senses tell us about.

If there is a universe of anti-matter there may be a universe of anti-time; which would be retrograde time, or rather, elements moving retrograde to... our ourselves-- which move forward in time. Thus time symmetry would be achieved this way.

...it is this inexorable but invisible, metaphysical but real momentum which we call Time. It's the same as destiny; it is the end or completion of our entelechy reaching back retrograde-wise, through the system of signals and dragging each of us bodily forward to meet that end, that completion.
This unitary organism which we call reality or the universe is most itself, most there, most alive, at completion... it's there now drawing us toward it; we move, it stands still. Being more than the sum of all its parts, how can any one or even all of its parts resist it? [...] "The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts," and surely the whole exerts a greater influence on those parts than they do mutually on one another or on it... . This must be why Parmenides understood that no matter how many "parts" he saw, how much diversity and change his senses reported, reality had to consist of a One, which was Unchanging. His sense saw those parts coming together to form that One, but the One... must already be. It did not lie ahead along a time-line somewhere in the future; it ontologically lay beyond or behind or deeper within the many, now and forever. The pressure of time driving all the pieces to come together into the complete pattern is a sort of voice calling to them, a summoning to return; everything has already been there, since this lay outside time; anamnesis was a memory not of the past, of former time, but of ontology outside of time, of already-complete-then-now-later. A memory of all time unified; this memory stretched in all directions in time, and finally into none: into Being itself: into the heart which is alive. Empedocles supposed it to have been in the past because he remembered it; but if time is cyclic he remembered the future just as well, logically speaking.

Empedocles didn't actually remember having once been divine... . To remember immortality is to remember outside of time. "Long ago I lived forever. I knew everything and could not die, and I was perfection itself. But somehow something went wrong. I forgot, I'm down here." Anamnesis could be said to be memory of the future restored... . He remembered what he was; he remembers what he is; he remembers what he will be. [...] Memory is to know; forgetfulness is to fail to know (cf. Plato).
"I remember" equals "I realize" or "I understand."

Today is the vernal equinox. [...] This, really... is the day the spirit of Springtime revives, down deep in the cold ground; I feel him wake up. When he wakes, he sees once more, since his dream has ended; he sees and we, for a moment, can see with him-- not just him but what he sees the world to be.

Maybe somewhere God has a set of headphones on and is listening to our civilization (which is now global, making the piece he hears more unified). Output must be most extraordinary in terms of richness; also it must be unique. I think it pleases Him.
"Play it again, Sam," God murmurs, when it ends.

It seems unlinkely that the... time I briefly discerned was there only so long as I discerned it, and then it departed; it is much more likely, if not certain, that it was there before, and is there now, but that I fell back into monotemporal vision once more. I would be like a blind person who upon seeing for the first time imagined that the objects were brought into being by his seeing them.

If we watched a speeded-up film of a form developing, we would easily discern the latent form within it (which means entelechy, really) press outward into actualization... .

The "Whale's Mouth" sign of intersecting arcs... -- if each arc represents a form of time... then this sign could be thought of as representing a single previous intersection (in our past) at which the two times came together (around 100 A.D.), and then each went its own way. But as they were moving in arcs, it was inevitable, by the laws of geometry, that eventually they would once more intersect, perhaps 2,000 years or so later (i.e., very soon). These also would represent the two hemispheres of the brain.... once before linked, then soaring off orthogonally, but fated by immutable laws to come together again.
It's possible that the Christian fish sign concealed these two geometric arcs intentionally.

Plot element... Nicholas discovers that each of his brains (minds, hemispheres) is travelling at right angles to the other in time.

As the two minds travel further and further apart, they form a vast double loop, enclosing more and more space, as on a Go board; enclosing, ultimately, all inside them; a double circumnavigation of the unierse.

This, then, is not only a journey; it is a simultaneous double journey; he watches himself recede from himself, grow smaller and farther away. When, later on, if ever, will he encounter himself again, the two arcs re-intersecting ultimately... . Eventually he (expressed as either hemisphere, in search of the Other) will encounter an other which is That Other: himself (v. Plato and the four-armed four-legged animus-anima whole person long ago split apart and in search of its other part): he will unexpectedly encounter Himself, and thereby close the loop, probably for ever.

What is expressed here is an extraordinary demonstration of the principle of conservation and symmetry... .

...long ago, when Earth fell to thrall, a signal was sent out for helf; that signal itself has returned in strength, bearing power and arms, in truth and justice; that signal accumulated space, hence time, transduced other fields, rose from unliving to animate.

...we who were secular scientific and left wing came around to an awareness of the Logos, and, as Heraclitus says, "we woke up from our dream and began to see reality, i.e., the plan or logos." And so it came to be, at least for me. Throughout all this the Logos was preemptive... ; and it triumphed through us not despite us. Using this multiplex human project as its plastic medium, the Logos ignited at last a dazzling triumph for dignity, for justice, for understanding and for truth above all... . This was vast benign divine intervention, within our work, like the invisible leavening of the bread, etc.

Beyond and behind the figure of any and all temporal powers, and their intentions, lie the intentions and power of God.

What is possible... is the notion of "mytosis-like" splittings of the present (due to time dysfunctions, perhaps in our past) that result in alternate worlds... .
It's as if the merely potential (i.e., discarded at one or more critical junctions along the linear time-line) has come into a periodic shimmering realization, alongside what is actual. [...] Just for story purposes, let us suppose a time-traveling team from our future has gone back to 45 A.D. to see to it that Jesus is not crucified. When the Parousia are finished with us, the time line we have will not even be remembered; our memories will be retaped to fit our newly made past, as well as present, and, as in "Commuter," wewill be relieved that "nothing has changed after all."

...it [the 'process which I saw in 3-74', which is itself an example of a 'major process in the universe'] plays its hand (so to speak) in such a nonlinear way that the pattern is never visible until the final sections or even section is lowered (or raised) into place-- one ca't even tell, for a long time, maybe a lifetime, that there is/are pattern(s) at all. [...] ...so intelligent is the method of play, that every guess as to the meaning of a partial pattern is brought to ignominious ruin when the true (completed) pattern is visible, and one must hang on, hang on, waiting for that last piece. [...] ...each gestalt is a subsection of a larger gestalt embracing several gestalts.

When I look back on those first days in 3-74 when I saw Rome around me, not Fullerton, and specifically the Rome of the period of Christ's time, and saw its angry military hostility, I was equally aware (and his is what I tend to forget) of my own identify standing in opposition to it; hence its hostility toward me-- the scurrying of its agents were specifically hostile toward me, and I had to work in stealth... . [...] ...I was a member of a secret group which Rome was dedicated to destroy; ...part of the Fish sign secret society, killed on identification and disclosure.

What is involved is a restoring, a new life which is the igniting by means of the penetrating of the solar spermatikos of what had lain dormant, asleep over two thousand years... ; it could not wake itself up-- like the root or bulb called to by spring (by the healing warming Sun of Righteousness) it had to be summoned. If new birth or new life refers to a restoring (which it does) then at one time that Healing Sun was present and somehow withdrew, at which time the higher life in us fell asleep, in the darkness. [...] In some fashion... we once were awake and then fell asleep, which is what the Greeks meant by Lethe, by forgetfulness; forgetfulness is equated with falling asleep, and waking up with anamnesis.

It was a deliberate signal from the Sun of Righteousness, in the night, a dazzling display of its kind of life... , and it tripped the pineal into things buried in our morphology for thousands of years... .

[P. 151] What took possession of me, which seemed like Elijah (if not truly Elijah)? I guess it was the Father... . A form of the Father: the Holy Spirit, which, recall, made Mary pregnant, which brought conception to her; she conceived by the Holy Spirit and gave birth to the Logos; and yet, the Logos in a sense impregnated her; I guess the macro-Logos this way achieves its micropresence here. Locally.
Prophecy: seeing into. The past is within things (as in Ubik). Again, the onion rings universe. Where is the past? Within what we see, at the hearts. [...] Not behind but "below." Contained.
Well, if the past is within what we see (smaller concentric rings, constricted) perhaps one can reason that the future consists of larger rings than that which makes up our perceptual present; vide Plotinus. The next concentric ring of emanation would be the future... strange. Which we reach toward, and which reciprocally reaches down to assist us, as I inferred about the "space people": they're from the future, reaching back to what for them is a smaller inner ring of the past, to give help. Angels. They would come to us in dream-time, with visions of what is ahead, and this is why dreams are prophetic. And less dense, less constricted than the daytime Now ring.

Ursula [le guin] accuses me of getting away from "Taoistic balance" when I get into Christianity.

I decided to describe, without attempting to name, the entity which telepathically approached me in 3-74. Its most salient quality,... seemed to be not its thinking (mentation) but its knowing;... it seemed to know things and events and people from inside, out from outside... , but seemed to sweep them out at the very heart.

...it is just as easy to think of the future pushing the present into the past as to think of the past generating the present and moving toward the future.

The Jewish-Christian myth which says that we once had these faculties and lost them-- devolved-- might be true, and it certainly would explain my anamnesis, as well as the view Plato and Empedocles held. However, it is also possible that this myth was instilled in us... in order to push us toward this as a goal in the future, whether indeed we had such faculties or not; this might be the only way such an ideal state could be expressed for those earlier cultures. "The Fall" is a sort of ancient way of talking about the next evolutionary stage in terms that make sense to people who have no concept of evolution.

...logos is defined as "the meaningful structure of reality,"... .

Is someone of much higher intelligence, of another species, looking down at us from a distance above, like research scientists looking down at creatures in an artificial maze?

I saw the meaningful structure of reality (the logos), and there was constant change in it (everything around me) because it is alive and possesses activity because it possesses mind. We ask, Why do we experience time (i.e., Change)? And the answer is, This living reality is evolving-- perfecting itself. We're within it so I guess we are a subpart of it, also alive and also changing-- evolving-- toward completion; it a great entelechy.

...it would like to rouse us to consciousness... and hence has dispatched an incarnation of itself, to nag us, to arouse us to conscious awareness.

...the absolute substantiality of this world is taken for granted. But all my life I've felt it is not, that something truly real lies behind it; thus over my entire adult life I have prepared myself to encounter an immanent God emerging from within this world. [...] I kept looking beneath. I sensed that the ordinary concealed the extraordinary, and that the latter perhaps was a live, had volition... . 

Perhaps the reappearance of this spirit... signals the beginning of another major historical age like that of the Reformation; perhaps it comes forth when there is a historical necessity. So we may be seeing the beginning of the breaking down of the bullshit establishments here and in the USSR... . [...] If the Protestant could be said to be a new historical type emerging from an older authoritarian one, then perhaps an equally important new one is emerging now... .

The evolution of religion from God Above to God With Us to God Within Us is obvious, but what I see too is the social-historical meaning... [of] this internalization of God.

Perhaps a sign of its proximity will be a growing difficulty by the authorities throughout the world in governing. [...] My right hemisphere emerges when my left has painted itself into a desperate corner and its rat-like linear thinking had bogged down, leaving a vacuum.
Every time in my life that I've heard the spirit it's been when my normal (linear) thinking had exasperated and exhausted itself... . [...] How possibly could a lesser, minor, inferior portion (half) of the total mind be habitually turned outward to the world, and a wiser, older part, devoted to truth, in possession of immeasurable knowledge, holy and calm-- how could that part remain suppressed virtually forever? [...] I wonder if it is a self-system, an ego, at all. It is not another self, even a better one; it is absolute in all that it knows, does and especially in all that it is... .
This particular "myth," that of the death of Christ, is the only one... which survived of all the mystery religions and other cults and religions of the antique world. [...] Still, it's all there... . At a certain point Christ is actually present, in the wafer and wine and also He becomes the priest, and we are once more there again; we have found our way back, a concept contained in the religion itself; viz" the dead god who returns to life. The cyclic repetition which takes place in the mass governs also the concept of why the mass is spoken and what it is about. Our god died, and was buried (gone), but then He returned. So saying, the priest therewith becomes Christ, proving the authenticity, the rightness, of the whole religion and the whole service... . It is as if each time the mass (or Last Supper, "in remembrance of Me") was secretly celebrated by the early Christians, they got to unfold their miracle, about Jesus, for their own eyes alone, invisible to the (Roman-secular) world. [...] New people who had never actually known Jesus could be brought in one by one, and this shown to them. Suddenly He would be there, only not as a mortal but in His transformed state... . He would be all through them, the celebrants. "Time would be abrogated," as Campbell says. This abrogation of time might not be so startling at first, during the actual Roman era; but later on, as in my situation... suddenly "back" in Rome "again." We are always back there, just as before; nothing has changed.

I can see where it is an enormous task, really beyond our ability, when we struggle with such a titanic fiery wind from another universe, a far vaster reality in all respects... trying to codify it, put it into linguistic categories, trying to figure it out, cope with the enormous paradoxes which effortlessly transcend and defy human reason... we're all getting massive headaches and sitting up all night trying and trying to explain to ourselves and to write it down coherently... the secular world supposes that religion is a fake and a snare and we've got nothing to offer but a lot of flak talk... .

We like to be able to recognize everything. To know (label) what it is. Our early textbooks teach us to do this (horse, cow, cat, mother). Once we have identified everything, then reality has passed away and we're in a world of the familiar, stuck there because we wanted it that way... . It's a form of scientific-magic; it depotentiates the menacing and the hostile by abolishing the unknown. The word... replaces reality, as in Time Out of Joint; it's perceptual stereotyping. Lazy vision. [...] ...as Heraclitus said, we are stumbling around asleep, unable to see the Logos... .
Parmenides' notion of the All... : he described it as radially symmetric... . [...] If this is so, then theoretically one could comprehend the structure of the whole upon any authentic encounter with it, no matter how small the segment... . ...no matter where or how you took a core sample or segment or fragment, from it the extremes on each side could advance out fan-blade like, with a Tao always created in the center. [...] I watched the slimmest sample expand into what, in terms of universal constants, was an entire world; I don't think you could cut it too small to exclude that spontaneous process of total regeneration of World. That means that the All is immediately palpable... , if viewed at all; I mean, if it is seen it is not seen partially, in an impaired way... .

...regarding this projection-from-every-point-of-the-complete All, then any glimpse of it (as I say) would be an encounter with its totality, and would by definition not be partial... .

Cont. p. 176

We are all sleeping avatars of God, with amnesia.

[p.194] Perhaps it could be properly said... that my psychotic journey began in 1970 in earnest that day... Nancy and Isa left. I had been "neurotic" until that day, but starting that day I suffered a collapse mentally, and descended into the world of dreams and nightmare and half-sleep, through which I moved only partially conscious... : I was on this journey from mid-1970 up until 3-74, when I returned from out of the depths, into bright day light, integrated and whole, for the first time in my life, carrying back up with me the pearl of great price.

Four years in that strange underwater world... from shock and grief, wandering like a shade over the landscape, among shadows.

[p.197] I kept dreaming of us as animals in a stagnant pond, interpreting this as our planet. But suppose it's not our planet, but our entire space-time universe, viewed from the next (Neoplatonic type) one? [...] This is also the next stage in our evolution. [...] We must be an early stage in a life-form which metamorphoses into a higher space-time continuum.


I think that in 3-74, at the height of despair and fear and grieving I stumbled into the Kingdom… . […] Now I don’t see or understand anything. At that time I could even remember back to my origins. My real origins: the stars. What am I doing here? I forget, but I knew once. Amnesia has returned; the veil has fallen, back where it was. The divine faculties are occluded as before.

Where has he [Jesus] been for the past two thousand years? Locked in a death-struggle with authority: first the authority of his own church, then the secular authorities, all of them; bursting the prisons gradually.

…Christ [is] the female spirit Sophia in a male body, a syzygy. Ah! Yes! This is the complete person! The missing half which Plato wrote about. In Jungian terms, psychological completeness… .

From a Jungian viewpoint, that which characterized my birth of the whole self, or rebirth (of the soul), was an experience with spiritual realities and values. It is these values, obtained from this experience, which must serve me in the second half of my life… . […] …the resources and values of the first part of my life showed themselves bankrupt at that mid-point crisis, and so perished, but then were replaced by a structure adequate. The ego died that the self might live… . […] The collapse and death of my ego in early March of 74 allowed contents of the collective unconscious to usurp control, but they proved rational in the long run, and were already a new but genuine self-system which had evidently been forming in the unconscious. The authentic self which Jung talks about was already there, waiting its chance. Or rather for its time to come. It was anticipatory.
[gap? Girl with pigtails?]
She is wiser than I. I see her as mediatrix standing between this world (me) and the next… the pleroma, to give it an objective existence. She mediates for the archetypes, which is the ultimate job of the anima, herself an archetype: the first one. Behind her I have seen the Godhead… . […] …in Jungian terms, it was my anima who first spoke to me, in the 3-eyed form I called the sibyl, and informed me, which is to say, the spokeswoman of my unconscious warned and informed me: anima as angel, saying, “You are in danger; do this, do that.” […] The magnitude of my situation, in terms of its danger, was too much for me; and so I fell into the hands of archetypes of my unconscious who could fathom and understand and deal with the situation—they were equal to it, as great in themselves as it was in itself: they had the time-span, the historic sense; they exist over thousands of years… . Only archetypes could deal with such an archetypal situation… . […] The old ego died… from despair and fear and hopelessness and helplessness. It was burning a votive candle in memoriam of itself. This is not to say that God didn’t help; this is not to subjectivize everything. God entered via the archetypes of the collective unconscious. They presented information-rich visions; they swept the world to obtain accurate knowledge of what the situation consisted of. Like AMORC [editors note:
Rosicrucian Order] says, we are light bulbs in strings, powered from an external common generator, the Cosmic Mind. Probably the ego can be extinguished by death but not the soul or greater self. That which relates to this world dies; that which relates to the next and previous does not. It’s all in Wordsworth’s “Ode.” To remember immortality is to experience it, and to anticipate it lying ahead as it lay behind: coming from that same place as one is going, as if life is a parabola.

Jung says that just prior to psychic integration and wholeness, the projections are withdrawn… . Man… is restored to his original state (of wholeness) before the Fall. The human soul is the bride of Christ, in which Christ is the King who comes and restores it. All these events took place in me in 3-74; I could see for the first time in my life… the unity (recollection) of all the opposites in my mind—hence the release of psychic energy. The God-image in me was restored.

…has Holy Wisdom who visited me been present during the past 2,000 years… ? The memory of the spirit contained nothing between the first century A.D. and World War One… . Also, there are no reports that I can find, down through the ages, of a Neoplatonistic total print-out such as I got, the grand sum of Neoplatonistic mystery gnosis.

Well, since I am an S-F writer and known to be involved with unreality, no one, even my closest friends, is/are going to believe me, and yet I can get it printed everywhere with no risk of it being taken as anything but fantasy.

[insert graphic] Is it even possible that “strife” (plane) is “love” (sphere) seen in one less dimension—i.e., imperfectly perceived? Only the sectioning perceived? […] This added dimension has something to do with time—the horizontal quality of “strife” may be linear time. […] …”time is round.”

There are Jungian explanations, Sci-fi explanations, occult [and religious] explanations, plus ones I probably haven’t thought of. But will. A power and entity as vast as the one I encountered in me and around me—if it doesn’t deserve the name God I don’t know what term to use for it.

The deity I experienced was in process of becoming… of perfecting himself… . What we call history was the dimension (world) in which this fulfillment takes place… .
God is immanent; the universe (world) is his body). […] In terms of human life, the evolution of history is… toward greater freedom; this is how humans should view it, but a switch in viewpoint can occur during which men cease to view themselves as individual men at all and view themselves as microforms of God, in which case the goal is not human freedom, but recollection that they are incarnations of God… . God has entered his own cosmos, so that it is not only his body but a body enclosing him, in a three part process of emanation, sustaining and final reabsorption. The last part begins with the restoration of memory that one is God or part of God.

EB: Anaxagoras “Noos arranges everything for the best.” This is precisely what I saw Zebra doing.

Whitehead made the notion of process central in his metaphysics.” So I saw (3-74).

EB: “It has been said that the Greeks thought of the world as a vast animal.” […] Starting with Descartes it has been viewed as a vast machine.

Yes, Phil, you did see God—exactly as described by Whitehead (and Hegel).

EB: “Hegel saw human history as a vast dialectical movement toward the realization of freedom. The reality of history, he held, is spirit, and… the process by which spirit… comes to full consciousness of itself.”

I have a strong feeling that the Spirit active in history is the same one that was (and maybe still is) active in biological evolution. In a very literal sense, evolution has passed over from the area of biological evolution to the evolution of man within his social context—i.e., human history. (This theory isn’t original with me.) Human morphology stays the same but new and different kinds of men arise over the millennia of human history. In having seen Zebra I was given a chance to see the teleological entity which directed the evolution up from the unicellular organism of Precambrian times to the mustarian age [editors note: Mousterian?].

…my evolutionary leap forward up tot a new level of being… was a response on my part to danger… and… what was set off in me… was a superior defense system of which I had previously been unaware. It is like a bird that had never used its wings until one day its nest caught fire.

The more understanding I acquire about the experience of 3-74 the more amazed I am. There are not even claims of experiences such as mine… .

I guess this revelation is not new—if Hegel and Leibniz and Whitehead and Spinoza and Plato are superimposed, it all can be found in the montage. 


[p.313] Bob Wilson... theory that our universe is a hologram created by the intersection of two hyperuniverses.

The Mckennas [Terence and Denis in The Invisible Landscape] regard our universe as a hologram, created by the interaction of two hyperuniverses, just as an ordinary hologram is created by the interaction of two lasers. ...every part contains the information of the whole... .

Neither the black iron prison world nor the palm tree garden world is our universe; ours is the [hologram] composite of the two: they are the two "laser sources." It is no wonder I mistook them for two dipolar alternate universes to ours, one worse, one better.

[p.405] This is a sinister life form indeed. First it takes power over us, reducing us to slaves, and then it causes us to forget our former state, and to be unable to see or to think straight, and not to know we can't see or think straight, and finally it becomes invisible to us by reason of what it has done to us.

Our minds are occluded... so that we can't see the prison world we're slaves in, which is created by a powerful magician-like evil deity, who, however, is opposed by a mysterious salvific entity which often takes trash forms, and who will restore our lost real memories.

...a homoplasmate [is] a plural form in micro of the creator (God) who recovers his lost supernatural faculty of memory and identity as the deity and bonds at once with the living sentient macro.

Voice: "Someone in this room is outside of time." But I'm the only one here.

...my search in this world, in all worlds, is for my sister, my female counterpart whom I have lost-- been separated from. Still, she exists, and finally I will be reunited with her.

My writing isn't messages smuggled into this spurious world to tell us our situation. No-- we are in a prison, and my writing is messages smuggled out! We're trying through such as my writing to contact outside help... .

I assumed that the purpose of my writing is to acquaint us with our situation, that my novels and stories function like the inbreaking messages in Ubik (such as the graffiti on the bathroom walls), but now I am given to understand that actually my writing is a report on the situation here outgoing-- meant to leave our irreal world, to break out, not in, and acquaint the actual world (macrobrain) of our plight.

The creator can afford to descend into his own creation. He can afford to shed his memories (of his identity) and his supernatural powers. Then he can test his own creation. But he cannot afford to get stuck in it. The creator deliberately plants clues in his irreal creation-- clues which he cunningly knows in time (eventually) will restore his memory (anamnesis) of who he is, and his powers as well; he will then know that his creation is irreal and has imprisoned him in it, thus freeing himself and restoring himself to goodhood.

So it is he himself who sends himself the letter which restores his memory... .

Christ (the creator) is among us, disguised. Even He has forgotten. He could be any person... . We do not know; He does not know. But eventually He will remember; He has set clues in his own path to trigger off his true memory and powers. Then we will find ourselves judged for the way we treated Him, as told in the NT. He who was our victim, our object, will be our judge.

The age of power (Mekkis) refuses to yield to the age of love (agape). It will not resign, but since the procession of the ages is automatic, the maintenance of the age of power is counterfeit; that is, it is illusory. [...] The Empire is only a phantasm, lingering because we have gone to sleep. [...] But its continual presence is only seeming... . Real time must have gone on and abolished it; ergo, we are caught in Fake Time... . [...] Spiritually, we are literally dead, and so real time for us ceases. Once the Holy Spirit restores that missing part real time picks up, resumes... .
[cont. 416]

[p.535] The historic process has-- or is-- a mind/brain evolving toward ends it desires.

...world evolving and assimilating and linking internally in greater and greater complexity, through a dialectic process with history as its arena... . [...] A great evolving brain cannibalizing its environment. Structure within a less highly organized structure. 

It is alive, and the whole of it thinks.

...it didn't enter human history to save mankind: no-- it had to, in order for it to function and evolve and grow more and more complex. It must make use of us and our history.

The E. of Phil. says of the Milesians that upon having banished anthropomorphic gods acting on the world they then had to conclude that the world was organic and alive and responsible for its own growth. This is precisely my position vis-a-vis Valis: nothing acts on Valis... . But I view Valis as being immanent but in conflict with an opposing principle or entity, and embedded at the core... of reality, renewing and structuring it, making it progressively more complex (by what I call "linking").

So I have pushed my thinking back to Parmenides, the point before material and non-material could be drawn-- in accord with Heidegger's plea for authentic being. Before certain dichotomies were drawn, which split the human world view.

There is no external deity and nothing prior to world. This is God in Spinoza's sense. The pre-Socratics drew the right conclusions: if there was no adventitious deity to cause, control, drive and direct world, then world itself possessed sentient or quasi-sentient faculties and volition, "and [was] responsible for its own growth." What has happened is that religion-- especially Christianity-- restored the nonexistent adventitious anthropomorphic deity, the artificer-artifact model, so world was again not seen organically, as self-governing and alive and responsible for its own growth. Otherworldliness returned, and the Christians were "in but not of" world; they were hostile to world and saw world as hostile to them. They located God in a mythical place called "the pleroma." So world is depreciated and devalued and it is stripped of its life and volition.

When I saw what was really out there I saw something alive embedded at the core of reality.

While I was lying there... [gazing] up at the stars... all of a sudden, a perfectly articulated, brilliant star map appeared to me. I didn't just see stars; I saw a star map, as if a switch had been thrown in my head.

[p.603] Therefore if you can get (your self) into a mythological narrative you will enter this dream time (as opposed to entering dream time and, by means of that, entering the myth). The entree to dream time is to reenact the (i.e., a) myth. I accidentally did this in 2-3-74 vis-a-vis "Acts" due to (1) Tears; and (2) the girl with the fish necklace. These plunged me into that other kind of time and so I saw world under that aspect, i.e., made eternal and holy-- and experienced anamnesis.

So I got into mythic time by reenacting the sacred myth, and, having done so, saw world under that aspect (e.g., the blood of the cosmic Christ, Rome, the secret real Christians). I fell into the myth by chance, and enetered the realm of the sacred.



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